Research Hit: We Are Afraid of Reconnecting With Old Friends!
New research shows we are as afraid of reconnecting with old friends as making new ones but we can change this.
But shouldn’t we be more comfortable to connect with old friends?
We would assume so - but if we have lost connection we may be hesitant. Even though research I reported on before showed how positive the effect was:
So what did this study find?
This study by psychologists Lara Aknin of Simon Fraser University in Canada and Gillian Sandstrom of the University of Sussex in England conducted 7 studies into old friendships.
First off they analysed the attitudes of about 2’500 participants in total to old friends. Most had old friendships that had lapsed. But about 70% were hesitant or neutral about getting back in touch with these old friends despite positive memories.
That in itself is surprising.
Yes, it is, did they actually try to contact these old friends?
The second two studies involved investigating a target intervention to see if they would reconnect with their old friends. As I outlined before we know that this is almost always a positive experience for both participants.
And what happened?
Well, less than one third actually sent a message to an old friend even when the wanted to, had the contact information and thought their old friend would be appreciative. Which might also sound surprising!
Indeed, why is this?
Well one line of evidence is that participants were no more likely to reach out to an old friend than they were a stranger. This suggests that old friends actually feel like strangers psychologically and this is also supported by reduced willingness to reach out to old friends who felt more like strangers.
And can this be improved - if it is good for both parties shouldn’t we be encouraging more of this? Particularly in older years when loneliness becomes a risk?
Indeed, as you know I’ve written multiple times on loneliness. Yes, in the final study they conducted Aknin and Sandstom found that by giving participants a practice session, simulating reaching out to old friends that this increase chances of reaching out by two thirds!
So, practicing and hence removing some of the anxiety helps greatly.
So practice reaching out to old friends before actually doing it!
Yes, now I’m off to write some messages to old friends!
Me too!
Research
Lara B. Aknin, Gillian M. Sandstrom.
People are surprisingly hesitant to reach out to old friends.
Communications Psychology, 2024; 2 (1)
DOI: 10.1038/s44271-024-00075-8